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Ariana Grande Reveals She Was ‘Drunk’ and ‘Sad’ After Mac Miller’s Death

Ariana Grande

In an interview published Tuesday in Vogue Magazine, singer Ariana Grande opened up about the most tumultuous few years of her life, including the death of ex-boyfriend Mac Miller.

Grande cried at one point in the interview as she recalled how performing at Coachella this year made her think of Miller.

“The first time I went [to Coachella] was to see Malcolm perform, and it was such an incredible experience,” she said. “I went the second year as well, and I associate…heavily…it was just kind of a mindfuck, processing how much has happened in such a brief period.”

“It’s pretty all-consuming,” Grande said of her grief over Miller’s death. “By no means was what we had perfect, but, like, f—. He was the best person ever, and he didn’t deserve the demons he had. I was the glue for such a long time, and I found myself becoming . . . less and less sticky. The pieces just started to float away.”

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In May, she clapped back to one of Miller’s fans after they tweeted that Miller’s arrest for drunk driving was caused by his breakup with Grande, telling Vogue that most people had no idea what was going on behind the scenes of their relationship.

“People don’t see any of the real stuff that happens, so they are loud about what they think happened,” she said. “They didn’t see the years of work and fighting and trying, or the love and exhaustion. That tweet came from a place of complete defeat, and you have no idea how many times I warned him that that would happen and fought that fight, for how many years of our friendship, of our relationship. You have no idea so you’re not allowed to pull that card, because you don’t fucking know. That’s where that came from.”

The superstar wrote a song about the period of her life when she was grieving for Miller while still engaged to Davidson, an emotional ballad called “Ghostin” that sampled Miller’s song “2009.”

When the topic switched to Davidson, a comedian and current cast member on Saturday Night Live, Ariana Grande said he was “an amazing distraction.”

“It was frivolous and fun and insane and highly unrealistic, and I loved him, and I didn’t know him,” she said. Read the rest of Ariana Grande’s interview in Vogue.